Hey Hot Shot!
A week ago I was wading from sleep to waking and listening to an episode of Modern Love — and a few minutes in…I received a ‘heart squeeze’ bearing a sticky note: ‘you must write him a letter’
No, I don’t mean ‘Hot Shot’ in reference to the film with Charlie Sheen in it. I don’t know where it’s from really…or maybe I can’t remember. I do know that it surfaced when I was in the process of finding a term of endearment for one of the characters in a speculative pilot script I was working on (okay…still working on. I’ll keep making little tweaks as it makes the rounds finding the right producer and studio). Somehow ‘Hot Shot’ came across as both endearing, respectful, and with minimal sappiness. 🙂
I once got a note from a reader saying that she felt a jolt of energy while reading through my Tumblr entries. That the energy carried her from reading entry to entry.
Since then, I made a mental note to write as much as possible whenever I feel the swell of emotion (I affectionately call it: ‘heart squeeze’) when words just come tumbling out…usually at a struggle to keep up with the speed I can save notes and drafts.
(That’s the danger of being in ‘the zone’ you see? My mind is bursting with creativity that ideas sprout every few minutes while I’m attempting to pour out my recent epiphany)
Through the years I’ve had different references on life partners. It went from ‘Jamie Stemple and Paul Buchman’, ‘Monica Geller and Chandler Bing’, ‘Tami Hayes and Eric Taylor’, to ‘Diane Lockhart and Kurt McVeigh’. Now it’s Sam Kingston and Kent McFuller as 44 year olds. Maybe because they don’t exist anywhere yet…and there’s room to imagine their personal development arc.
In one particular rabbit hole I fell in, I emerged with an entry with Logan writing to his sister: “I’m probably gonna be fat in 10 years :(“ and her replying: “…well at least you’ll still be funny. Probably even funnier. You need to be fat to be funny” —- I thought of writing: “If 25 year old Patrick Dempsey were worried about gaining weight…I’d be one of the people who would tell him: (knowing how he looks like at 50) ‘You’re going to be one of those people who’s going to end up as a silver fox at 50. Just keep taking care of yourself by eating well and exercising regularly.”
I was definitely impressed by his performance as 17 year old Kent. Given that, it doesn’t mean that if our paths cross (either to do with introducing him to potential musicians to collaborate with or an interest in playing a character I wrote), there would be something there to build on. I do know that I value a sense of humour that compliments mine and am not a big fan of strong language. Given those two things…I can only say that something other than a working relationship would be slim.
And there’s the age thing: I am about 15 years his senior. People say age is just a number. Okay…it is. When you’re looking at angel investors to partner with…or building a team for a new startup…I wouldn’t mind so much.
I mean…I might think differently when I hit 60 and he is…however old he is at that time.
Why bring him up? A piece of radical honesty. Letting you have a peek in what’s going on in my head. 🙂
I wonder what personal development task you’re working on at the moment. Are you also attempting to wrangle your clutter like me? Or is it more of making sure the members of your inner circle are instrumental in getting you closer to that next level?
One fantasy is that someone who’s a Reddit user (who knows you pretty well) would hand you a printout of my letter (because you’re old school in that way despite being just 42). And just in case you were AWOL at that time…just slip a copy in your mailbox…or nonchalantly put it in front of you while you’re having your ‘internet free days’ at your favourite café.
(But my letter is no longer on Reddit —- just change it to whichever publication it ends up on!)
I know, picking Reddit for such a vulnerable piece! Especially when it’s the same platform that I received this message threatening to ‘out’ me as a letter sender. I have no idea if he’ll go after me…and I sometimes wish I can find that original thread when I sent him the encouraging note (my gut feel is…he might be the type of person that gets offended when encouraged).
I somehow start thinking of all those people who were kept silent because of similar threats.
(What do you think? It’s a mix of blackmail and bullying right? It’s just like they say about secrets, they lose their destructive power over you once you share them.)
As I share more and more of my work to the general public, I am reminded that I should learn to put comments in perspective. And yes, that means I should brace myself to the twist that this might reach a significant amount of readers — and risk that my account be hacked, be misunderstood, and all sorts of things.
I just remind myself that If I am able to help a writer spring to action and finally submit their screenplay to both The Blacklist and A Screenwriting competition….and as a result I’d have to endure countless messages that result in me foregoing communications for a week…I’m okay with that.
Amy Webb mentioned that it takes a significant amount of time to find a match. And one interesting thing I’ve realised that I am okay with the notion that my chances of meeting you would be slimmer (because I’m not swiping left or right…or scrolling) — but then maybe the flip side: the more I work on the projects that give me immense ‘heart squeezes’ the better the chances I’ll have a smile on my face when we cross paths.
I’ve also discovered that I’m an intensely driven person — and when I read Geraldine’s entry about being a spouse to someone like Rand…tears flowed. Particularly this bit: “And that’s when it hit me: there will never be free weekends. There will never be a party that he attends until the end. But that’s okay.”).
You may have noticed that I refer to you as fictional. Until I am able to give you a great big bear hug (and be able to get to know you for at least two years), I’m not going to let myself fall into the trap of not being able to recognise you because I’m clouded by this version of you.
Yours,
Cheese Slice
(Clearly…I’m still working on finding the right term for me. ‘Sushi Roll’ maybe? No…that doesn’t sound right either.)
Last Update: 09 May 2018 – 2:29 AM